Autogenerated Transcript (may not be accurate)

From the meditation:
There are many things in life that we face that we cannot change; illness, harm, disappointments, people behaving badly, goals not coming to fruition.

And any time we come into conflict with life in this way, any time we want life to be different than it is, we become caught in impatience and suffering. We lose our sense of humour. We lose our joy, our light. And self-pity, despair and blame seep into our mind and heart.

We can deliberately cultivate a mind of forbearance, of patient acceptance. This mind that is able to recognise those things we cannot change, give up the idea that it should be different, cut through the whys and it’s not fairs and have understanding that this is the way it is. It strips back the layers that compound our suffering.

It’s an attitude change from one of despair to one of fortitude and strength. The strength to hold firm in difficult times and keep our wisdom and compassion beaming, rather than giving up.

You have that strength within you already. You’ve wielded that power many times, and to cultivate it simply means to connect with it, connect with what is already there, and resolve to bring that attitude, forbearance and patience to daily life.

With this in mind, I want you to imagine, create a scenario now, something which you could face, something perhaps that you face regularly in which you become frustrated and upset with the world, where you want it to be different.

It could be a work scenario, something not working out the way you want it to, it could be personal life, something getting in the way, something about your body or your health. Something about family or friends. Take your time thinking of a scenario in which there is that suffering, of wanting it to be different.

And as you imagine that scenario, as you place yourself in that scenario, some discomfort, some suffering may come up, some of those same old feelings, some contraction, perhaps somewhere in the body.

And as that does, soften and give it permission. Give the discomfort permission to be. Give the annoyance, the frustration, the disappointment, permission to be here. And imagine what it would be like to bring this mind of forbearance, of patience to it.

Firstly, a level of understanding of things coming together to make it this way. It’s often not personal to hurt you. It’s just life happening. Trying to understand the causes and conditions that brought that situation to be. There’s no need for any blaming or judgement, just understanding the causes.

With an understanding of the causes, there can be an acceptance. Acceptance very simply is the understanding ‘this is how it is’. ‘I give up the idea that it should be different,’ because what you say is ‘that it is what it is.’

We can also bring in the mind of love, the compassion element that sees others suffering. If there are other people involved in this situation, see the suffering and think of their well-being.

And then overall, what holds all of this together is the mind of fortitude. It’s an attitude, an attitude change, an attitude of strength to hold firm in the midst of challenge, knowing that we have the inner strength within us to do so.

You have succeeded in dealing with 100% of the challenges that have come your way already. We have greater capacity than we realize. 

Finish this practice with a determination, first of all, a recognition that ‘I can have this strength, this patience of mine, this acceptance.’ ‘I have that capacity’ and then the determination that ‘I will put it to use instead of allowing my light to be snuffed out, falling into despair, disappointment, self-pity, I will remain positive, loving, kindhearted for my benefit, for my well-being.’

From the talk:
So cultivating patience, patient acceptance. Some of you’ll know we looked at generosity. That’s the way of overcoming attachment, helps you with attachment, overcoming that, the stinginess and so on… self concern, and then with patient acceptance, that helps us with aversion, the desire to push everything away, make everything different. And it’s something you can cultivate in the moment – something’s happening, some difficulty is happening, and you try to bring your best, you try to bring that forbearance, that patience, that kindness. But if we don’t have familiarity with it and we have very strong negative habits, then the chance of bringing patience and bringing love and compassion into difficult situations is really, really challenging.

And so it can help, just like with the other Six Paramitas to spend time actually contemplating and cultivating it deliberately, and familiarizing your mind with it , so that it’s more familiar to you when it comes to the situation.

Fortitude, patient acceptance is an attitude change. It is a change in your attitude. The way that we approach challenges and difficulties, rather than seeing it as purely a challenge and difficulty and something that needs to go away, but instead seeing it as something you can rise to, something that if you choose, you can thrive in.

If you are able to remain peaceful, able to remain patient, calm, loving and so on. And anybody can do this, we can all do this. And we’ll all know examples of people who are able to deal with difficulties and have a strong mind that doesn’t fall apart in those situations. And we know ourselves there will be certain things that we’re able to do and then others that we’re not.

And so it is a training, but the opposite of patient acceptance is to simply resist what is. Common examples I give; being in stuck in traffic, or maybe you or somebody you know has an illness, which actually there’s nothing that can be done about it. To resist what actually is, is futile.

There are certain things that we can resist and we can change. Yes, wonderful. Let’s change it if we can. But those things that we cannot change, to resist it is futile and will only compound the suffering, make it worse, add extra layers on top and make this situation more difficult. It doesn’t change anything. I often say with the traffic example, if we’re stuck in  bumper to bumper traffic, that we think, if I’m upset about this enough and frustrated enough, it’s almost like the universe will solve it for us. Or like Moses, the cars will part ways and you’ll be able to go through. But that never happens. Never happens.

So patient acceptance, a wonderful definition, some of you may know, if you’ve been on retreat with me or we’ve talked about this, is to wholeheartedly accept whatever arises, having given up the idea that it should be other than what it is.

And so it’s very simply that you’re just giving up your version of what you wanted to happen and accepting, okay, this is what it is. It’s nothing more. It’s not ‘I love it.’ ‘I think it’s great,’ or anything like that. Patient acceptance, at least at its most basic level is the is the ‘okay, it is what it is,’ on top of that that you can then build understanding, compassion, fortitude, strength. But it’s very basis is just this ‘okay, this is what it is.’ ‘There’s nothing I can do about it.’ And that already helps us. It alleviates the additional suffering that is on top of a difficult situation.

Would you like to transcribe or edit the transcriptions of our classes? Please get in touch.