Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion
Self-criticism is something many of us struggle with daily. Although a discerning eye can be a helpful tool for self-awareness and growth, an unhealthy critical mind leads to spirals of negative thoughts, harming our mental and physical well-being.
When we allow negative self-criticism to dominate our thoughts, we often lose sight of our inner potential and true nature. Buddhist teachings remind us that our essential nature is not one of failure or negativity, but of peace and joy – already perfected and complete. By recognising this, we can begin to shift our focus from destructive inner dialogue to a more compassionate and balanced perspective on ourselves.
In this article, drawing from the ideas shared in episode 19 of The Samadhi Podcast, we explore this balance and navigating cultivating a healthy sense of self.
The Dual Nature of Self-Criticism
Self-criticism, when driven by wisdom and compassion, can help us grow. As David says, “It teaches us and draws us closer to realising our most powerful inner energy—our Buddha nature. It helps us to recognise areas for growth while recognising that we are not our failures or afflictions.”
However, too much self-criticism, born from a mind which equates our negative qualities with our sense of self, becomes unhealthy. Thoughts like “I’m a failure” or “I can’t change” become a mental trap that drags us into despair. These aren’t useful criticisms; they stem from our inner critic—an unwise voice in our heads driven by attachment and aversion, and a misunderstanding of self, rather than wisdom.
As David says, “These statements damage our mental health and take a physical toll, leaving us tired, drained, and disconnected from our true selves.”
Beyond just causing emotional pain, prolonged self-criticism affects how we interact with the world. It can lead to social withdrawal, decreased motivation, and even physical symptoms like fatigue and stress. Buddhism encourages us to balance this harsh inner voice with a wiser, more compassionate understanding of ourselves. By viewing self-criticism through the lens of impermanence and emptiness, we can transform it into a tool for reflection, rather than self-punishment.
The Root of Unhealthy Self-Criticism
So, where does this negative or unhealthy self-criticism come from? David explains that its roots lie in our grasping to the ego—the “I” that we believe is solid and permanent, self-existent. As we grasp onto a sense of self, there arises the duality of other. We then compare ourselves to others, see ourselves as lacking, and unconsciously focus on our past failures.
“This fixed idea of self feeds into our attachment to old failures, making us feel like we’re not worthy or unable to change.”
However, Buddhism teaches that the self isn’t this permanent, fixed, solid entity we believe it to be. For one, it’s a constantly shifting phenomenon, always changing from moment to moment. Through mindfulness practices like vipashyana, we can begin to understand and see for ourselves the impermanent and interdependent nature of the conventional self and loosen the grip of these self-critical thoughts.
In addition to this self being impermanent and changing, we falsely identify and equate it with transient thoughts, emotions and prior actions, creating an image of a flawed, limited sense of who we are. A “bad person” who “isn’t very nice” and who “can’t change.” This misperception fuels our suffering. By realising that there is no fixed self, and that we are not our thoughts, feelings, and actions, we open the door to greater freedom. Self-criticism loses its sting when we understand that both our mistakes and achievements are part of a fluid, ever-changing experience, not an enduring label of who we are.
Buddhist teachings take this even further, telling us that not only is our nature not our mistakes, thoughts and transient feelings, but our true nature is actually already pure, complete, perfected – what we can call Buddha nature. Buddha nature is not only our potential, it is our deepest nature. The afflictions that drive our negative behaviours are nothing more than temporary obscurations, veiling this deeper nature, and not inherent in us – so why identify with them?
Cultivating a Healthy Sense of Self
Before we can fully transcend the ego-driven sense of self, it’s essential to cultivate a healthy, balanced sense of self. For as long as this self appears, we want to have a healthy relationship with it – not an overinflated deluded pride, nor an intense feeling of poor self-worth. So while Buddhism teaches us to recognise the impermanent and ever-changing nature of the self, while we are still deeply connected to the ego, it’s important to cultivate a healthy sense of self-esteem. This is about nurturing self-compassion, inner peace, and resilience. This helps us face challenges without falling into destructive patterns of self-criticism or unworthiness.
By cultivating a balanced sense of self-esteem, that is built not upon what we think others think of us, but based upon a healthy and realistic view, we set the foundation for deeper spiritual growth. As our understanding of not-self deepens, this healthy self-awareness gradually leads to the dissolution of the “I”. During this process, the ego’s influence weakens, allowing space for our true nature—compassionate, joyful, and free from attachment—to emerge fully. Without this healthy groundwork, attempts to eradicate the “self” too quickly may result in further confusion and suffering, as we are still reliant on an unsteady, fractured view of ourselves
Breaking the Cycle of Self-Criticism
David proposes two methods to start loosening the hold that negative self-criticism has over us. The first is to re-appraise by nurturing positive thoughts and actively recognising achievements and good qualities. He suggests starting a journal where you write down 50 achievements from your life, both big and small, and continue adding to it daily. This process helps shift the mind’s focus from what we do wrong to what we do right.
As an exercise in loving-kindness, we can spend some time thinking of any good or kind acts we have done, recently or in the distant past. We can also think of any good qualities or skills we may posses. If this is difficult, we can think of what our loved ones might say if they were asked about our good qualities or kind acts, and try to be open to this being a valid perspective of us.
The second method is through regular meditation on the mind and thoughts, breaking the habit of self-criticism over time by cultivating non-attachment to these thoughts.
David emphasises that self-criticism is like a temporary cloud passing through the vast sky of our minds. Rather than suppressing or distracting ourselves from these negative thoughts, we face them with kindness. By observing them mindfully, we allow them to pass without attaching to them.
This practice allows us to understand the transient nature of all thoughts, both positive and negative. Mindful observation creates a gap between thought and reaction, giving us the power to respond more skillfully. By detaching from our thoughts and observing them as passing phenomena, we can start to see that our inner critic has no real authority over us. It’s just another thought, not a reflection of who we truly are. This shift can bring profound relief and open the door to self-compassion.
When we consciously focus on our achievements, we retrain the brain to recognise our worth and progress. Modern psychology supports this technique, showing that positive reinforcement helps break negative thinking patterns. Likewise, regular meditation gives us the space to observe our thoughts without becoming entangled in them. Over time, this practice rewires our relationship with self-criticism, transforming it from a dominating force into a mere mental event that we can let go of.
Practical Tips for Cultivating Self-Compassion
- Keep a journal: To note down good things about yourself, your accomplishments and the compliments you receive. Reflect on these and help build a healthy sense of self-worth.
- Accept compliments: Don’t brush them off or attribute them to others. A simple “thank you” acknowledges that you deserve the praise.
- Meditate regularly: Through mindful observation of your thoughts, learn non-attachment to self-critical thoughts.
- Investigate your beliefs and fixed ideas: Gently challenge the assumptions behind the negative self-criticism. Are they true? Are they kind? Are they helpful? (Tip: A loved one, spiritual friend or teacher may be able to help you challenge ingrained stories & beliefs.)
By engaging in these practices, we begin to rewrite our inner narrative. When we learn to accept compliments and embrace our achievements and good qualities, we naturally become more self-compassionate. Meditation allows us to continually investigate and challenge unhelpful beliefs about ourselves. Over time, this rewiring of the mind leads to a more balanced, kinder relationship with ourselves, allowing us to grow without being weighed down by unnecessary self-criticism.
Self-criticism can be a difficult habit to break, but through Buddhist meditation practices and a shift towards self-compassion, we can begin to dissolve these harmful thoughts. With time, we can restore our self-confidence and reconnect with our peaceful, joyful nature.
As David says, “You are okay. You have achieved so much, and you’re here now, continuing on your journey. That’s something to celebrate.”
When we understand that our true nature is inherently good, peaceful, and full of potential, the grip of self-criticism naturally loosens. By cultivating mindfulness, self-compassion, and appreciation for our achievements, we begin to live more freely and joyfully, aligned with the true essence of who we are.
This blog post is adapted from the transcript of episode 19 of The Samadhi Podcast, ‘Saying No to Self-Criticism’. For more in-depth exploration and resources on meditation and mindfulness, join us for our live meditation sessions or enjoy our many free resources on the Samadhi website.
